everything .

i've been a bad blogger i know.

is confidence really what makes a girl sexy?

honestly, to many confuse the cocky, with the confident. & up until recently, i was neither. yeah, i know i may have came across as confident, but it was only because I knew better than to let anyone put me down. Personally, I didn't know my worth, and i didn't know how much I had to offer.


Confidence streams so much further than physically knowing where you stand. Being confident in your intelligence, and with your attitude is novelty alone. A female who isn't afraid to speak up, or share her thoughts... that's sexy.

Physically, I never found myself unattractive. However, being comfortable in your own skin is extremely important, and different. I wasn't. And, I didn't develop that until I learned how to share my privacy with someone, and allow myself to open up to something new. I became so comfortable with myself, that I even started to take more effort into bettering my body. In comparison to how i felt before about myself, to how i do now.. I'm a different person.

In one of my favorite books, "Violet & Claire", Francesca Lia Block wrote..
"I'm so afraid of the changes pain can cause"

I highlighted that months ago, yet now understand more than ever why I did..

Somewhere along the short, and long months that have passed, I've changed every one of those ways. I developed a sense of myself, that I waited so long for. I finally found the motivation to do better, in everything I want to do. To love myself way more, than i did before. And, to understand how much more i deserve, for all i have to offer. Confidence? yes. I'm not EXTREMELY confident, and I believe i deserve to be. Things having recently been falling into place in ways I never would've allowed them too before. I was too negative to see what was right in front of my face, and too hardheaded to fix it.

Am i still India? Yes. I'm better though. I'm more mature in the sense that I know how much i can do, and rather than hiding it.. I'm willing to share. I have so much more to contribute to something real this time. I have what i needed the first time to make it all work.

What is Pain?

Maybe. Maybe, all those days spent angry or crying over things I could've easily fixed have passed. I've learned from the feelings I dont want to feel ever again, and even more from the ones I loved to feel. Being hurt changed me, and I highlighted that line in the book because like her, i had never opened up to anyone because of fear. I was afraid, I knew I was going to get hurt. But what we need to understand what I now understand.. is how much comes out of being hurt. How much positive change, and growth come out of pain.

The difference between a negative and positive effect of hurt. the mature and immature outcome.. I thank the person and situations that made me the way i am. I don't scorn them.